Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
