I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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