Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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