You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it was like having sex with a tree stump
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
