The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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