i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just pee around me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
