I got chris browned last night
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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