dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
