is your mom at the bar?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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