I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
