nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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