my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
