She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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