i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
