i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
