at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize