I heard we made out
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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