Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
