apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
