I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
