dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
