Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When did angry sex become our thing?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
