Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
