one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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