Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
