Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
