I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
