I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
