You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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