Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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