who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
