Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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