Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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