Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
