Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
