So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
