im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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