meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
