This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
