Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
