I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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