i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
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Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
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I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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