Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
