I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
