...so i touched it.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
