Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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