everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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