What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
