i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i've created a new STD.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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