dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
