Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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