EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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