I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
