i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
