Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
