i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
