You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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