I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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