"it" just moved
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
