I wish I could teleport
i was born a porn star she said
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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