I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Congratulations! We have a period
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
