I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
