ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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