finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
