I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
