Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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