fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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