No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
