Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
