He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
