we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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